I accidentally burped into my bong.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
