I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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