Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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