i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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