I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
