she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
