I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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