The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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