I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we're making bets on your personal life
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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