I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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