He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
