the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
