Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
