Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
