I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
