The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
