his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just high enough for therapy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
