You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The uberlube is also flammable
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
