you guys were way drunker than both of me
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
