After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
