I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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