You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
