oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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