One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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