Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I am available for nakedness
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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