we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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