Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
