pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
