and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
