oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
