He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
