I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
