Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
