you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
