my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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