Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
