I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
birth control should be required to get into college
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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