this boner is exhausting
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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