When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
