cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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