Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
