woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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