i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
