You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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