dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
