He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
