After last night, I could never be a politician.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
