Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
