3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
