shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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