is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
