Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
