Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
